Joy

This past weekend was more than just a fun trip for me.  I actually had a lot of down time (down time? what is that?) to sit and reflect on life, my life specifically.  Not sure if I can even put this into words but I will try.

Having some time away from my family gave me time to actually think.  As I was sitting in a public shopping center I was people watching and seeing so many young families walking through with small children.   Of course it made me miss my kids, but it also allowed me to imagine what each of their stories were.  Where did they come from? How did they get to this point in their lives?  What life struggles have they been through? Any tragedies? These questions brought me to reflect on my life.  How did I get to where I am right now? What obstacles did I face? As I thought about these things amongst all the hustle and bustle of shoppers, laughter, screams, talking, and tantrums that surrounded me, I somehow kept this inner peace in my heart.  I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.  I felt surrounded in love by an amazing support of family and friends, by a supportive husband who constantly works his hardest to provide for our family, and children who bring constant (ok almost constant) joy to my life.  Most importantly I have my faith in a God who is full of love, and compassion, and forgiveness, and joy, and peace. 

No matter what I have been through in my life, I always have a constant that gives me strength to go on when I want to give up, to be kind when I want to snap at someone, to remind me to love others even when that is the last thing my heart wants to do, to worry less when nothing seems to be going right, and to live with a peaceful heart when turmoil surrounds me.  I know not everyone believes in the same God or Catholic faith that I believe in, but I also know how much my belief has been the one thing to carry me through the darkest times in my life.  I have tried to rely on human beings, but we are too human to carry another human all the way to the end.  We ultimately try our best, but we are human.  We are not perfect, not the way God is.  I know this because I try constantly to love with a perfect love and I fail.  I am ashamed of it, but at the same time, I know these failures give me an opportunity to grow and learn to love better than I did yesterday. 

So in conclusion, I am so grateful for my faith.  I am so grateful to God for loving me even when I fail daily to love him back and to love others around me.  I pray for the strength to always recognize where I need to grow and to always do my best to reflect Your love to all in my life.  I know if I can do that, I will feel peace in my heart more often.