Lately I have been at a loss on how to tame my strong willed child! Don't get me wrong, I adore the sweet pea. I can't imagine my life without her. Her smile is so contagious, even when she is smiling after doing something naughty. She will run up and give her brother a hug and she is always eager to share. I truly love our wild and crazy 2 year old.
BUT....
Her tantrums lately are ridiculous. For the last month I have not been able to sit down through an entire church service. She is loud, busy, and when we say no, she screams. Literally. Screams.
Two weeks ago I thought I was going to miss Communion because she was in the middle of a screaming tantrum. I was in an entirely different building. Outside was not an option when it is below freezing outside. It took me about 10 minutes to calm her down and then another 5 to just talk her down from her whimpering so we could re-enter the church building.
At home, they are just as bad, but more manageable because I can put her in her room during a tantrum. She screams and kicks but as soon as I come in and ask if she is done, she says yes and we talk about why she went to time out. That usually does the trick pretty quick. She is constantly testing my boundaries and I am exhausted.
The biggest problem is that she is difficult when we take her to places where she is expected to sit and be somewhat quiet, for example, a restaurant, grocery shopping, church. So if you have any suggestions I could use them!
Do you have a strong willed child? If so, how do you handle the tantrums? Do they calm down as they get older, or will I be dealing with a teenager throwing an epic tantrum in church too? haha. Thanks for all advice!
First of all, you are doing a great job!!! When I was little, my dad would take me "out" when I would misbehave at church. We would go to a quiet, unused, boring room. I would have to sit on the table and practice being reverent. He made it so that being in church was much more fun than being out. I've started doing that with my 2-year-old. When in a restaurant, take her out to the car until she is ready to go back in. Let her choose when she is ready by her behavior. When in a grocery store, be ready to leave your cart full of unpaid groceries and take her home. Unfortunately, she may test the boundaries 50 times, but if you are consistent, she will learn. And now I'm going to go try out my advice on my own kids... :)
ReplyDeleteMy advice is to build a time machine, go back, and make sure original sin never happens. While you are saving for the DeLorean though, I recommend creating as many acceptable outlets for her to exert her "will to power" upon the universe as possible. Montessori observed that children can be defined as individuals who have an inexorable need to "do." Thus sitting calmly in one place, like Church, is almost directly contrary to her natural urges.
ReplyDeleteSo, I try to anticipate all of the things I'll have to say she can't do, and, again like Montessori would say, prepare an environment where she is encouraged to do. For example, Madeleine has probably broken/spilled hundreds of dollars of grocery store merchandise, because she can't not pull things off the shelves. So each aisle I pick something that she can reach, ask her to get it and put it in the basket, and then sprint down the aisle so she has to walk all the way down to put it in. By that time I've usually found the next thing she can help me pick out.
Church is tougher. We try to come armed with distractions that Madeleine is allowed to do, like put on chapstick or lotion or turn the pages of a book that's not the hymnal so it's ok if she draws in it with those darn inevitable pencils or tears the pages. And of course there is food. And we try to introduce them at liturgically crucial moments or hold off as long as she's happy.
Lately we've been sitting in the front row. It is great for Elena (4) as far as focusing on the action and getting involved. Madeleine less so, although she does like to wave her arms like a conductor every time the choir sings (if you didn't want two year olds spasmodically waving their arms in the front row, then you'd put the choir in a loft where they belong). But if it makes you feel any better, Lauren or I still have to step out pretty often.
I think this is the first time I've posted on a blog, but Lauren had it open, so I thought I'd check up on you guys. Hope that helps, or if not, was at least entertaining. Let us know when you're coming out to Japan to visit.
Adam